Let’s take an uncomfortable dive into my story and why I write about health and nutrition.
I developed a passion for nutrition when it became dependent on my health, physically and mentally.
It all started when I was a freshman in high school. I dug this photo out of the archives, you’re welcome.
Every afternoon, crippling pain seared my stomach and I would sit in class and suffer in silence. Being an extreme introvert, I didn’t tell anyone… for 6 years.
The gravity didn’t hit until college. At that point, the pain rendered me motionless. I was bedridden every night, which canceled any plans with friends. I developed anxiety about getting sick. Any sensation in my body made me nauseous with fear. I started avoiding public places, particularly situations that required me to eat. It was exhausting on my body and mind and eventually led to depression.
In sophomore year of college, I broke and told my mother. A week later, I was in surgery. They dug around inside me and found nothing spectacular. A month later, there was only one finding out of a biopsy: a count of zero lactase enzymes.
My doctor explained that people who are lactose intolerant usually have a 50-70% deficiency in lactase activity. I had a 100% deficiency.
So I wasn’t a little bit lactose intolerant. I was entirely and dramatically lactose intolerant.
Fun fact: my doctor shared this news over the phone as I was eating cheese.
Like a good patient, I took all dairy out of my diet. My body normalized and I had one year of bliss.
Then, the pain returned.
I went back for more testing, this time for Celiac, Crohn’s, and Inflammatory Bowel Disease. Everything came back negative. Doctors said they don’t know what’s happening, or why.
This was unbelievably frustrating, especially when no one else in my family suffered the same affliction. We are Lebanese. Food is an essential part of our culture and my war with it was distressing and heartbreaking.
For years I endured complications, developing mistrust in my body, fearing that it would implode at any minute, hereby sabotaging a big presentation, ending a night out with friends, or (when I entered the workforce) causing me to run out of meetings.
It never occured to me that this may be linked to mental health. I started following the literature closely and new research emerged about trauma – especially in childhood – and its impact on the body.
Slowly a theory formed.
I grew up in Beirut, Lebanon. When we moved to the States, my lifelong Mediterranean diet was abruptly replaced with a Western diet. That could explain it.
But I couldn’t dismiss that my childhood in Lebanon was severely stressful and home did not always feel safe. My father suffered from untreated bipolar disorder and for years, the disturbed behaviour slithered within our walls.
My mother fled the country with her three children in tow, and we didn’t know what was happening until we were on our way to the airport. She had planned the escape in secret for years. The shock had a profound effect on my body, ripples I still sometimes feel today.
I realize now this wasn’t a normal childhood. My body was bound to have some type of adverse reaction. After all, a stress response can manifest in many ways, not just mentally.
So as a twenty-something woman, working in the pharmaceutical industry and with anxiety, depression, and pain at an all-time high, I took matters into my own hands.
I was a scientist, dammit. If trauma had redesigned my GI system, then I’d learn how to navigate it. I embarked on a nutrition journey, trying every odd diet out there, from keto to vegan to Paleo.
Some worked.
Some ended in bloody diarrhea.
These days, I know my triggers and have my diet (mostly) figured out. I quit my job and moved to New Zealand, where the food is less processed and the produce delicious. I have access to beaches, hilltops, and endless views, which keep my stress levels low. My job is rewarding and doesn’t clash with my values. And I am endlessly learning.
For this reason, I decided to start a blog to share my story and document my research – a place to dump the endless mental chatter, if you will – and to help others who may be struggling with their health and nutrition.
I go back to the source to understand exactly what the body needs and why, and how different factors may be at play that we hadn’t considered before. I take care of rifling through the scientific jargon and present it on here in a way non-scientists can understand. Sprinkle in a little humor and we might even have some fun.
I hope you enjoy this section of the blog.
Cheers for now and much love,
P
“The body has the ability to reheal itself… as long as we don’t keep damaging it.” – Michael Greger, MD from How Not to Die
