I Meditated Every Day for 31 Days… Here’s What Happened

In an experiment, I meditated every day for 31 days and documented what happened in this beautiful post.

The COVID-19 lockdown started out great for me. A respite from work, a pause on life, and shacking up at home was heaven for this little introvert. 

But a few weeks in… things changed.

My partner’s business was bursting at the seams (30+ people stuck together in a backpacker didn’t go so well), and we realized the impact on tourism would mean a difficult winter ahead.

I missed my family and feared for them every day as cases in the US continued to rise.

Work was proving difficult with blurred communication lines that resulted in tense disagreements.

Compound that with living in a box in the city with no outdoor space, no exercise, and feeling isolated from my community… and my mental health took a dive.

And I decided enough was enough. Practicing good mental health shouldn’t be limited to when times are good.

In fact, in times of adversity, our self-care matters more.

So I meditated every day for 31 days… and documented what happened along the way.

What is meditation and why I would I meditate every day?

Meditation comes in many forms and is the practice of focusing your mind to increase awareness of yourself and your surroundings. It’s most often accompanied by long, deep breaths to promote deep stillness and relaxation.

The best way I heard it described is that meditation is observing the mind without changing it. Which inherently changes it and we start to come out of obsessive ruminations.

More research emerges every year backing up the benefits. And I’ve experienced them first hand. Here’s a good evidence-based article which summarizes them, and I listed them below.

Benefits of meditation:

• Reduce stress
• Control anxiety
• Better emotional health
• Increased self-awareness
• Better attention span
• Generate kindness
• Improves sleep
• Controls pain

Keep in mind, these are only what’s been proven by clinical research. The actual benefits may span beyond that.

Methods

For a month, I meditated for 5 minutes in the morning and 10-15 minutes in the evening and scribbled what happened in my notes every day.

This doesn’t seem like a lot but shorter and more frequent sessions can still have a noticeable effect on your mental health.

I tracked my progress via daily mood check-ins through the Calm app* and exercised presence to the best of my ability throughout the day.

*This post is NOT sponsored by Calm (but that would be cool).

Enjoy the below timeline which documented what happened on my journey as I really concentrated on presence and meditated every day.

Day 1

Well that was one hell of a start. 

I woke up feeling quite anxious so I did 10 minutes of guided mindfulness to investigate anxiety. The “monkey mind” wouldn’t cooperate as I slowed the breath. One thought zipped after the next in a loop.

No surprise since I’ve been slacking off lately.

But when the time came to investigate the sensations of anxiety, a snake-like emotion rose up with a single thought: “Who do you think you are?”

Honestly, the fear was difficult to handle. I tried fighting it with positive thoughts but they held no strength to calm the beast.

Not sure what I achieved here other than acknowledging this emotion sits inside me. I know it’s my goliath when it comes to doing anything worthwhile with my life.

It’s going to be one hell of a month.

Day 6

The Monkey Mind is coming in strong. I’m finding a lot of anxiety living within. It feels like bundles of fear in mind and body, vibrations from long ago trauma still rippling.

Thoughts come incessantly and I’m having a hard time not engaging with them. Trying to counter every negative emotion with a positive one.

But that’s not the solution, is it?

Meditation teaches us to pop out of the trance and observe with curiosity. To not attach a story to every thought and just allow it to pass.

I was still trying to change my mind, which is exactly what meditation isn’t about.

Realization dawned that I’m shit at meditation.

Day 10

I may be shit at meditation but I still look forward to the relaxation it provides. 

My ability to identify feelings of anxiety throughout the day has definitely improved. And I find I can more easily drop into deep breathing.

Something about slowing the breath is so incredibly relaxing. The body sends signals of safety to the mind, easing the stress response.

In fact it’s so effective that I included breathing as a mantra on my post about centering yourself during an anxiety attack.

And the best part… it’s a tool you can access any time, anywhere. 

It seems small but given I’m already sensing some anxiety relief… I’d say this little experiment is working.

Day 16

I had a really good session this week and thought “I got it!” 

And didn’t experience it again after that.

But I’m starting to learn that that’s okay. Years of bad mental habits can’t be undone overnight.

Like with any exercise, there are good and bad days and we benefit either way.

Also I realized I’m not shit at meditation. We, as a society, are just shit at concentration.

Our devices beep-boop at us endlessly and we advertise “multi-tasking” as a desirable skill. I wonder if there’s more value in “single-tasking”… should that be my next post?

Another nugget I realized: my mind may be a fountain of fear, but I don’t have to feel bad about it. In a session with Calm, we explored the idea that “there are no enemies here.” 

It’s uncomfortable to observe frustration, agitation and boredom with equanimity. But that’s the core practice of meditation: observe uncomfortable sensations with curiosity and compassion… and accept.

Day 20

I’m definitely noticing benefits outside the actual meditation slot. I feel more present, and although the anxiety hasn’t gone away, I notice it now and drop into belly breaths, where previously it festered unconsciously.

Also… I’m starting to twitch when I go deep into the meditation.

Can someone tell me what that’s about? Are my cells releasing trauma? That would be cool.

It gets very quiet and I can feel the spaciousness around me, and within. It’s absolute peace. Though it took a Herculean effort in concentration.

If that feeling could be more easily accessed with practice… then I’m willing to put in the work.

Day 24

Doing daily mood check-ins have made me realize that I’m bipolar. Was that the point? Thanks.

Jokes aside (bipolar disorder is nothing to joke about, trust me, I know), it’s enlightening to see the volatility of emotions mapped out across days.

Would it help to know, when we’re deep in a negative emotion, that it will change as soon as tomorrow? That it will be back next week?

To understand that the storm will never stop cycling but we can always access that higher place of peace and equanimity, no matter what way to wind blows?

That’s some deep shit.

I like meditation.

Day 28

My practice was put to the test the last few days since I had to go to the hospital for a family emergency. There’s a reason I didn’t pursue a medical degree. I hate hospitals.

Honestly I was grateful that I’d been strengthening my meditation muscle.

First I recognized the story I was telling myself: “hospitals give Pamela anxiety”. I approached that with curiosity and wondered if I should buy into it. With that, the anticipatory fear ebbed a bit.

When I entered the hospital room, my legs braced to get the hell out. I went into the practice, dropped into my breath, and once again…  approached my fears with curiosity. 

Shockingly the anxiety passed. And I sent it off without animosity but with compassion.

So meditation didn’t cure my anxiety. It gave me a different perspective, easier to bear.

And I can’t help but wonder how these situations might go with years of practice under my belt.

Day 31

Today marks the end of my experiment.

It was a challenging meditation because my stomach hurt. As I explain in My Story, stomach sensations bring me acute anxiety.

In tonight’s session, I tried to explore bodily sensations with acceptance and equanimity. But that was hard. This particular pain is associated with an entire history of emotional distress.

Meditation can improve pain management but I have a long way to go with that one.

But there was some valuable insight.

It never occurred to me to send my pain compassion. Or to send my body love for what it’s going through. This didn’t dull the pain but made it… okay? Like it doesn’t have to be a big deal.

I’m still investigating this. And intrigued enough to continue the practice beyond the experiment.

Conclusion – what happened after I meditated every day for a month?

So I meditated every day for 31 days and what happened?

Well… there were many light-bulb moments.

I do feel calmer… and mentally healthier.

One light-bulb moment was that my blog needs a Meditation Series, for two reasons.

1. To centralize all the information. When I started, I wished I had the research compiled in a single place to determine whether it was worth my while. Life is busy and I don’t do anything unless it’s equal value to effort. And,
2. There’s too much to talk about in a single post! I wrote pages of notes and dug into a bunch of research, and I’m keen to share it on this forum in a way that brings people value.

But if this experiment prompted you to try meditating every day, hear this.

It’s not easy. Most days, you feel like it’s doing nothing. Other days, you’re confronted so violently with your own thoughts and emotions, it feels like more harm than good.

But if you struggle with any mental health issue (like stress, repetitive negative thinking, anxiety, depression, inability to concentrate, chronic pain)… give it a chance.

You have to try it to believe it. Because the feelings of peace and expansiveness are very difficult to articulate on paper.

Trust me, I tried.

Start small. Do a little experiment. Every day for 10 minutes for 7 days. Make it enjoyable as part of your morning/evening routine.

And stay tuned for the upcoming meditation series. I’m excited!

Today’s tunes: Be Still, My Tongue by Snorri Hallgrímsson and Slow Meadow