From a recovering smiler, here are 7 reminders to give you the courage NOT to smile in your photos when you don’t feel like it. In this letter to content creators (and anyone who’s been in a photo), I give all my thoughts on the controversy of smiling and how I personally approach creating my art.
It’s no secret I’m not a fan of smiling in my photos.
Not because I’m a miserable hag. But because I spend the majority of my time alone and I do a lot of thinking about a lot of things. Smiley Sally isn’t my natural state.
I talk about this often on my Instagram stories (join us here @nutbrownrose_, it’s a good time).
Women are tired of being told to smile. And if you don’t feel like it… you shouldn’t have to.
But there’s this consensus that non-smiling content won’t be as engaging. In truth, we’re afraid to be vulnerable. And that’s normal.
I believe authentic emotional expression makes better art. It’s more relatable. And it will make people remember you.
Also.
Women are magical creatures and tired of living apologetically. And if there’s one place our inner dragon should be allowed to come out… it’s in the realms of creativity.
Let’s unpack this shit.
7 Reminders to give you courage NOT to smile in your photos
A letter to content creators
Disclaimer: I’m not saying smiling is an inferior form of art. I have plenty of smiling photos. This post is to empower you when feel like you have to smile, even when it doesn’t feel right.
1. It’s boring
Obviously, I don’t think a genuine smile is boring.
BUT. I’ve previously said I have a hard time connecting with content creators who smile in every photo.
I recognize a highlight reel when I see one. And it just isn’t real.
Life isn’t always so great. Excessive smiling can come off as bland, lacking inspiration.
Fred Schroeder sums this up perfectly in his article on the evolution of the smile, using weddings as an example:
“… one cannot but be struck by the sameness of expression on the faces, from the bride and groom all the way to the flower girls. It is, what’s more, a standard look, with all the participants mouthing cheese to summon up smiles…”
Related: How to take authentic photos that engage your audience on Instagram
2. It’s not worth ignoring your needs
To hop on the wellbeing train… smiling when we don’t want to can feel like an act of violence against our innermost needs.
As women, we’re conditioned to make others feel at ease. We ignore our needs to maintain social harmony. From angry emails to tone-deaf comments and awkward altercations… we have an eerie ability to keep on fucking smiling.
It can be destabilizing. When we don’t tend to our needs, we dishonor ourselves. We forget our self-worth and our right to have autonomy over our emotional experience.
But the world is changing. More women are coming into positions of power, dismantling the long-lived rhetoric.
When I choose not to smile in a photo, I know I’m doing my part to further our big, beautiful movement. And that feels good.
3. It makes you feel disconnected from your audience
Recently a shared a thought on my Stories which resonated with a lot of you.
It went: “I think I cracked why social media is bad for mental health. Because you see all these smiling faces. But you’re not smiling because LIFE. So you feel disconnected. And disconnection is the cause of many mental health problems.”
Disconnection is a serious problem in today’s world. This is what Johann Hari based his entire research on in Lost Connections to uncover the causes of depression. P.S. I recommend this book to everyone and their dog.
We’re raised to adopt strange behaviors that go against our emotional instincts. This was noted for parents when they push their unwilling children to hug strangers.
And I know many content creators feel disconnected from their content/audience. The faux-happiness and repetitive joy paints a distorted vision of their actual lives.
It creates barriers to developing authentic relationships. And that’s not worth it.
4. It’s draining: women and emotional labor
I’ve been loving the rise of the “toxic positivity” movement. Turns out, forcing happiness isn’t the best for our mental health.
When researching for this post, I came across the term “emotional labor”, coined by sociologist Arlie Hochschild in 1983. The concept resonates so deeply I’m adding it to my daily vernacular.
This article from the Washington Post describes why emotional labor can be so draining. To quote:
“… emotional labor involves setting aside one’s own feelings in service to someone else, whether an irate customer or a melting down toddler. It involves anticipating needs, paying attention to the comfort level of others, and often doing tedious things — planning meals, remembering birthdays — that keep things going smoothly and make people happy.”
As I read this, the truth of it rung so loud, I felt physically exhausted.
It’s no wonder I avoid dinner parties. The anxiety is crippling, thinking how many people I’d have to humor, entertain, and smooth over.
But this is why we pour everything into our art. On our terms, we take back ownership of our facial features. Exercise freedom of expression. Be all the things we scream about when no one is around to hear.
5. Your audience finds other (uglier) emotions more relatable
There’s a misconception that people will only ever engage with happy content.
But the opposite is true.
There’s never more engagement than when I share an honest or difficult story online. And my audience consists predominantly of women in their 20s and 30s, all of whom I assume are tired of perfection.
A struggle is always relatable. It empowers us to feel frustrated, sad, angry. It feels good to break the mold. To empower my audience to be unapologetic and feminine and strong.
The human experience is complex and confusing. Trust that your audience will engage with that.
Related: 20 tips to write better Instagram captions to engage your audience
6. The I’m sorry / I’m just / I don’t mean to bother doesn’t serve you
At my first office job, I was introduced to the phrase “resting bitch face”. Apparently, that was my face.
Turns out, my tough-as-nails Lebanese mother didn’t prep me for Western norms. I had ditched the grin and the I’m sorry‘s and that made me intimidating.
Here’s what my mother did teach me: give yourself permission to take up space, no matter where you are. This has taken me far in life.
Storytelling is no different. Soon as the camera turns on, I gather the courage to be dominating. For a moment, I feel as large as the mountains.
I am not passive. I am not docile.
It’s moments like these that feed the inner dragon. Feel all that womanly strength vibrating in your bones and sink into the transcendent experience of being yourself.
7. There are many other emotions available to us that are just as (if not more) interesting
As mentioned, life is a hustle and we all have to be honest about the uglier parts of our journeys. In fact, telling these stories can be captivating to an audience.
But there are also ways to convey positive emotion without needing that persistent grin. Some of my favorites which you’ll find frequently in my content.
Curiosity. Reverence. Utter awe for mother nature.
The color wheel of emotions is forever spinning. Take a pick, there are many to choose from. And as a result, tell better stories.
I hope these reminders will give you the courage not to smile in your photos if you don’t feel like it. How do you approach smiling in your photos? Do you agree with the above? What does your dragon look like?