10 Ways I learned How to Be Happy (Part 1)

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It’s strange that I find myself here today, writing about the ways I learned how to be happy. I’ve been a sad, sad soul my entire life. It took a lot to get here. And since I feel you’ve been called to this post for a reason, I want to share my learnings with you.

Read all about my fun traumas here:

My Story: Why I Write About Wellness and Mental Health

My Story: Why I Write About Health and Nutrition

I split this post into two because I hit over 3,000 words. Clearly I love talking about this.

Many of you know I uprooted my life in the US without preamble to move to New Zealand. I know, I know. How adventurous and utterly stupid of me. I’m an escapist, self-diagnosed, and took it to a whole new level.

But the experience was extreme enough that I had no choice but to undo everything. And that included toxic beliefs and behaviors.

I say I learned to be happy but it’s still a work in progress. And I’ll start with the overarching lesson: education. 

Educate yourself about mental health. About trauma, and connecting the dots with your own story. Work with a counsellor. Read about it, listen to podcasts, watch all the TED talks. And the more you’ll realize you’re not alone.

Here are the ways I learned how to be happy. I hope you recognize yourself in some of these and take actionable steps toward healing.

Disclaimer: I’m not a health professional and all content provided is for information and entertainment purposes only. Please talk to your doctor if you have questions or concerns about your mental or physical health.

1. Authenticity

Authenticity… is difficult to describe. It will have a post of its own eventually, because it’s hella important.

But it’s hard to explain what it means to be authentic outside of banal advice like “be yourself” and “do what you love”.

To me, it comes down to a single thing: in any situation, feeling like there’s enough room for me. It’s a complex culmination of self-awareness and confidence to speak your mind and honor your needs. 

In fact, authenticity requires us to be self-aware. Turn inward and ask yourself “What do I need?” And this applies outside of moments of crisis. What do you crave? What are your hobbies? How do you maintain your individuality? In the words of Ethan Hawke, “Read the book you want to read, not the book you should read”.

I had a breakdown last year which ended with a single crisp thought: “I’m a creative”. Although I’d always known, recognizing this was a huge source of joy for me. I sought all creative activities, which led to picking up a camera and starting my blog.

There’s a part of authenticity I haven’t cracked yet, which is vulnerability. All about that in Part 2.

2. “…and that’s okay“

Look, emotions are complex. But you know what makes them hurt a little less? Acceptance.

Say “and that’s okay” after everything, and watch your life change.

I’m angry… and that’s okay. I’m exhausted… and that’s okay. I’m sad… and that’s okay.

I.e. don’t try to solve your way out of sadness. Just be sad. 

Acceptance is powerful… it means you can now implement what you need in that moment, whether it’s calling your mom or doing a meditative hobby like cooking.

Accept that you have problems and will always have problems. Happiness doesn’t mean all your problems are solved. You can have problems and still be happy.

3. Impermanence

We all know nothing lasts forever. But few practice it at the micro-level.

People like to say “it will pass” only when things aren’t going right. But that makes it a biased practice. Because impermanence applies to joyful moments too. And although that used to make me sad (and anxious) I learned to use it as fuel to enjoy those happy moments a little more. Practice gratitude. Every moment, happy or sad is impermanent… and guess what? That’s okay.

The trick to being happy is to understand that you will not always be happy.

And I get FOMO with emotions… I don’t want to be sad because I want to be happy, and I’m scared that I’m missing out on happy moments. I just want a happy fucking life! 

Which is fair. But it’s okay to have a bad day. Do you see a pattern here? There will be happy days later. For now, it’s a bad day and as soon as you accept that, you can implement some self-care and look after yourself.

4. Writing / Recording Myself

Where do I start with the benefits of this?

Writing has been shown to be healing on its own. But it can also serve to log your own epiphanies, and this is important if you’re embarking on a healing journey. The number of realizations you’ll have about yourself, your past, your parents, your own self-limiting beliefs… endless.

And repetition is key to change. So if you read (or watch) your own wisdom on repeat, there’s chance for real progress.

One particularly anxious night, I took to my camera and said: “No one and nothing is going to hurt you. What if I guaranteed that for the night?” I re-watched it then wrote it down for good measure. And simple as that… it worked.

I also use it to integrate my affirmations. With my health anxiety, I always use “My body is healthy, my body is resilient.” This is on repeat across all my notes.

Recording yourself is particularly powerful because you’re able to view yourself objectively. When I took up this practice, I saw for the first time how my face changed when anxiety hit. And I felt for myself! When you see yourself suffer, it’s easier to access compassion.

5. Taking a break from myself

It brought so much relief when I learned how to take a break from myself. Let me explain.

The solution to “stop worrying” never worked for me. It made my anxiety worse. How can I not worry when there’s so much to do and think about?

And the thing is… worrying isn’t evil. A healthy dose is great to keep us on track and aware of our surroundings.

So I don’t tell myself to stop worrying. I just take a break from worrying.

This is particularly helpful when I can’t sleep. If I’m ruminating about something, I tell myself “I don’t need to solve this right now, I’ll solve it tomorrow.” 

Everyone should have a set time in their day where they cut off problem-solving. After 8pm, I’m no longer allowed to solve things or worry about things. I delegate until the morning and take the rest of the night to recharge. Because rest is important.

Going out into nature is another great way to take a break from yourself. And if you have a hard time shutting off your thoughts, I highly recommend meditation, and you can look into my meditation series here.

So this is only half the ways I learned to be happy, and I have 5 more to share in the next post. They’re particularly juicy as my healing journey became more sophisticated. Click here for Part 2!

Go gently with yourself.

Much love,

P

Today’s Tunes: In This Shirt by The Irrepressibles