World wanderer Tegan brings us her story of how she got into solo travel, along with tips and FAQs for all who are feeling the solo-travel itch. Thank you Tegan for sharing your adventures and beautiful words for this blog.
I stepped out of the train station in Valencia as the sun hit the marble textures of the building in front of me. It was 34 degrees celsius, my back ached from the weight of my backpack and I had my hand wrapped tightly around the handle of my soft-sided suitcase for fear of it being stolen. I had no idea what direction my hostel was in or how long it would take me to walk there. But I smiled. I was here, I was on my own. Strong and independent. I could do this.
I didn’t mean to start travelling solo.
Many people decide to travel solo out of a desire for independence, because they were inspired to by others, or because they’re told it is something they “must try at least once”.
But that wasn’t my path to solo travel.
Related
- How Moving to New Zealand Healed Me and Made Me More Creative
- Why Slow Travel is Essential for Your Wellbeing and Mental Health
- 10 Best Small Towns in New Zealand for Slow Travel
- Naked and Laughing Hysterically on a Beach in New Zealand
- 8 practical tips to deal with depression while traveling
How I got into solo travel – with tips and FAQs
Why did I start to travel solo?
After many years of travelling with my ex-husband, numerous countries and even stints living overseas – travel had become part of my life. I loved exploring new places, trying new things, and sharing new experiences with him.
The thought of solo travel never really crossed my mind. Sure, I had made one trip on my own from New Zealand to Spain (stopping in Dubai) as my ex-husband was in Alicante for work, and while in Alicante I made a quick solo trip to Barcelona because he couldn’t join me, but solo travel wasn’t something I planned, or even wanted to explore much after that.
In 2014 I was living in Italy, after having uprooted our life in New Zealand to pursue an exciting new job opportunity for my ex-husband. I had quit my job – giving up my career as a lawyer – sold our cars, most of our belongings, rented out our house, and I was ready to settle into our new life on the other side of the world.
Suffice to say, that didn’t eventuate.
Choosing adventure
During a visit back to New Zealand soon after, things ended in a particularly abrupt and traumatic way. I suddenly found myself staring into a vast abyss where my future had once stood – I had no idea who or what I was anymore, or how to even begin to know how to find out.
Around me I heard voices telling me that I needed to stay in New Zealand and be with people who loved me and would look after me.
But within me, there was a voice telling me that I needed to go.
And so I did. I went back to Italy to sort my things and then soon found myself in London, dossing with two ex-colleagues who took me in and showed me love and kindness.
But eventually I had to come up with some semblance of a plan, and so I hit the road. I visited friends in Alicante, and then moved on to Valencia, where for the first time ever, I was truly and completely on my own. My real solo travel journey had begun
For the next three months I travelled around Europe on my own, and with every step I took I felt more alive, and more myself than I had in many years. Everywhere I went I made new friends, had new experiences and discovered a new kind of freedom. It felt as though the universe was somehow breathing life back into my tired soul, and giving me exactly what I needed to recover.
Because, as I found – sometimes, when you lose your way; you find yourself.
Why did I keep travelling solo?
Sure, travelling solo when you’ve experienced some big life event isn’t exactly something new – plenty of people go out into the world, get some healing, and then settle down into their prior routine again.
Except I didn’t. I found something, some part of me, while on the road that I didn’t want to ever lose again.
And so even now years later when I am settled back in New Zealand with my long-term partner and our cat and dog, the proud owner of a mortgage, and responsibilities up the wazoo – I still need to get out on my own sometimes.
It’s not that I need space from my life or my partner – in fact I miss him and the pets a lot when I go away on my own.
For me, it is more that getting away on my own gives me the space and clarity I need to find joy in the things I love, to appreciate the details and be fully present, to move at my own pace, and to clearly hear my own voice. It is a sort of pathway back to myself; my way of refilling my cup.
Solo Travel Tips and FAQs
I am often asked questions about solo travel, particularly as a female, and so here are some of those more commonly asked:
Is it safe?
It is as safe as you make it. Obviously anything can happen anywhere, regardless of whether you are one person or a group, but for the most part, safety while travelling solo just takes a bit of common sense.
The golden rules are:
- tell people where you are going/keep someone informed;
- don’t take any unnecessary risks;
- avoid telling people you don’t know that you are travelling on your own (like taxi drivers etc. – just say you’re meeting friends or a partner etc.);
- respect local cultures and practices – a sure-fire way of drawing unwanted attention to yourself is by flouting local practices;
- remember that you are the only person you have to rely on (so for example, drunk you might not be terribly reliable!) – don’t expect people you have just met to look out for you; and
- follow your intuition.
Don’t you get lonely?
There is a difference between being alone and being lonely – you can feel lonely even if you’re with others, and whether you’re at home or away.
Personally, I don’t feel lonely when I travel solo. This is partly because I am naturally introverted and so I am happy with my own company and I recharge through time and space to myself.
But it is also because I meet so many people when I travel solo versus when I travel with others, and so if I am completely alone, it is usually because I have chosen to be.
I appreciate though that everyone has good and bad days, and that some people (especially those with different personality types/extroverts) might be more susceptible to loneliness, and so it is an emotion to be conscious of and to learn how to work through if you choose to travel solo.
But don’t you wish someone was there for you to share things with?
I have mostly found that this is a mentality thing. Society and popular culture tell us that “special moments” and places in life are to be shared. Therefore, when we see or experience something amazing, we feel as though we have to be sharing it with others in order for it to be valid or truly enjoyable.
When I first started travelling solo I definitely pined for someone to share those moments and places with. Eventually though I realised that the incredible experience or place was still incredible whether I was with someone or on my own – that I could enjoy something just for myself without needing someone to be there to corroborate my happiness.
It just comes down to what narrative you’re feeding yourself. Instead of seeing something amazing and thinking “man, I wish someone were here to see this” I instead think “man, I am so grateful to be here to see this”.
What about dining out though – isn’t it weird eating on your own?
Sure, it was a bit awkward at first, and still can be at times in some places/cultures where it is not common, but I LOVE dining out on my own.
I am a huge foodie and so when travelling solo I decided not to deny myself the experience of an amazing meal simply because I was on my own. I found that, without the ‘distraction’ of company and conversation, I can fully focus on the food and flavours, and it is a much more immersive experience.
In saying that, I also learnt not to be shy about striking up conversation with people, especially other solo diners, and it has led to some awesome encounters.
Failing that, there is also always a good book, or your phone, to help you feel less awkward when dining alone. Or take-out.
Who takes your photos?
Some of my favourite photos of me were when I was on solo adventures. There are so many ways to get a shot with you in frame when you’re travelling on your own:
- Use a tripod (or just rest your camera somewhere) plus a wireless remote or self-timer function – this usually is the best option to get the shot just how you want it;
- Selfie-sticks! No need to scoff or roll your eyes; you don’t have to wave them around like you own the place, but there is literally ‘nothing’ wrong with whipping one out for a photo when you’re travelling solo; or
- Ask someone. This usually works best when you see someone trying to take a photo (either on their own, a selfie, or one person taking a photo of others in their party) and you offer to take it for them, then once you have you ask if they can do the same for you. My other tip is to use your judgement in who you ask – the mother juggling a toddler, a pram and her sanity is probably the wrong person to ask to take your photo.
You mentioned meeting people when you travel solo – but like, how?
This depends on where and how you’re travelling a bit, but these are some great ways of meeting people when you’re travelling solo:
- Go on a walking tour or any kind of tour or group activity. Don’t be afraid to strike up conversation with people, or even just chat to the guide and often others will join in. At the end of the tour I often hang out a bit as there are likely to be other solo travellers in the group, then you can ask if they want to go check out one of the guides’ recommendations etc.
- If you’re staying in a hostel, go hang out in the communal areas. I have met some awesome people just from sitting in a common room on my laptop, as people tend to chat to those around them. And don’t be shy to do so yourself – ask someone where they’re from or how long they’ve been staying there etc.
- Join an online travel group or app. There are many out there where you can post to see if anyone is around where you’re travelling and might want to meet up for a meal or activity. I run an online community for women travellers myself called She Spread Her Wings, a Facebook group and an awesome way to meet fellow travellers and like-minded people around the world. We also have a group for those in or travelling to New Zealand who want advice or to connect with others – She Found Her Roots – New Zealand.
The other thing is that people (genuine, honest, nice people) are far more likely to approach you when you’re travelling solo than when you’re with others. I have had so many people strike up conversation with me or ask me to join them etc. when I have been travelling solo. Just remember to use that intuition I mentioned.
What if you have a partner – how do you tell them that you want to travel solo?
This will depend on your relationship, but basically, you just approach it by making it clear that it’s not that you ‘want to go somewhere without them’, but rather that ‘you want to go somewhere on your own’.
Communication is key – if they are hesitant or confused, ask them what their reservations are, and let them know you’re happy to talk about it and answer their questions etc.
I want to try solo travel but I’m not sure where to start
Depending on how you roll, you can throw yourself in the deep end and just book a trip on your own and go for it – that’s the beauty of solo travel; you only have yourself and your own timeframes/preferences to consider.
However, like many things, sometimes it is good to start small. Consider joining a group tour on your own, as then you will be traveling solo but you will have safety and structure, and new people to meet straight away.
Or just start by going away for the night somewhere local, which can serve as a stepping stone to adventures further afield.
You can even start by just doing some things on your own that you might usually otherwise do with a partner or friends – go to the beach, go on a hike/walk, go out for a meal, or even just go to the cinema.
Remember two things though:
- You don’t have to like doing things on your own right away – it might feel odd or awkward at first and that’s totally normal and ok, usually it is just a matter of getting used to it before you actually start to enjoy it;
- You don’t have to like doing things on your own at all – we aren’t all the same! If you’ve given it a go, gave it a proper chance, and you truly dislike it; that’s fine. It doesn’t make you less or more of anything – it just means you don’t enjoy solo travel.
If you have any questions or just want to chat solo travel generally, my inbox/DMs are always open. Here’s to more adventures – with others, or ourselves.
About
Tegan is an avid and passionate traveller from New Zealand, going by the handle heelstoheeledge on social media. She enjoys helping to connect people with the world, each-other, local businesses, and themselves.
